The day before you died
by XHitsuKarinX316X
Summary: Karin's life is a total disaster. So many people in her life have died away, and she's feeling lonelier than ever. She reflects back on the day before her only love Toshiro Hitsugaya died, remembering she couldin't give him what he wanted. Deciding to end her life, can someone talk her out of it? HitsuKarin


**Hey guyz, I just had to write something depressing. I don't know why. By the way, I don't own bleach. It would be pretty awesome though. Please, please, please review! It's a one shot, or so I think so… I don't know what a one shot is, so please correct me if I'm wrong! (Don't judge me, I've only been a member for like, a week and a half! .) Thank you for reading!**

I walked alone down a quiet street almost four weeks after Toshiro's death. I was alone, I was lonely, and I was sad. I wanted Toshiro, I wanted to love him again, but doing the impossible was unreasonable to me at this point. He was gone forever, I would never see him again as a captain, as a teenager, I would never see him as _mine._ I thought about the night before he died, before he left me, before I thought my life was over.

_(flashback)_

_We both sat side by side on a stretch of grass, watching the sunset begin to fade against the darkening clouds. Toshiro and I weren't kids anymore. We weren't adults either. We were teens, seventeen at the time. We had fallen in love, proving everyone, well, right that we had feelings for each other. "Somebody" told everyone in soul society (Rangiku) that Toshiro finally confessed his love towards me and for the longest time everyone went beserk. They were asking us stupid questions and sending us stupid little baskets with roses and such. It wasn't a mushy relationship where the girlfriend calls constantly and the boyfriend can't decide who is going to hang up the phone. It was a simple, quiet relationship. We never told each other that we loved each other, we just showed each other through actions. He would hold my hand, and I would scoot in closer to him. I would hug him, and he would set his chin on top of my head. He would kiss me, and I would kiss him back, telling him not in words that I loved him, but through passion. _

_He had confessed his love to me when we were fourteen, but we weren't in a relationship until we were around fifteen. We had our ups and downs, but overall, the relationship we had was perfect. There was a perfect balance of love and contentment between us. There was only one time that we had been apart, but we went running back to each other within a couple days, proving that we couldn't live without each other. He started out as a stranger, and worked his way up to my best friend, weaving himself into my heart and becoming the only one I gave my heart to, the only one I confessed my feelings to. I loved him, and that was all I could say._

_As we sat there alone, I nuzzled myself into his shoulder, and he rested his head on mine. It was the perfect moment. Peaceful, beautiful, priceless. Our hands met, sending sparks. And for one brilliant moment, our lips touched, sending fireworks into the atmosphere. We parted and looked forwards. The sun was almost completely hidden by the inky clouds. We watched as the last glorious rays of the sun began to spring out from gaps in the clouds, and then watched it disappear completely. A chilly wind began to whip around us, making me shiver. I had failed to remember bringing a jacket with me because nearly an hour before, there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. _

_Toshiro wrapped his arms around me, the touch of his skin against mine making me tingle in a pleasant way. I wiggled my way between his legs, my back against his chest. I rested my hands on his that had latched around my shoulders and over my chest. I laid my head back onto his shoulder, and he looked down at me with such a beautiful glance. It was full of kindness and love, and something else. Something like, a desperate hunger for something. I stretched my neck up and leaned myself against him, melding our lips together. His lips moved with mine so expertly, and I could feel his jaw tensing and relaxing again and again as we kissed. I was a gentle kiss, yet fierce and full of passion and want. A drop of rain came down and splattered onto my cheek, sliding down and landing between our lips. He licked his lips, removing the rain, but he didn't stop there. His tongue moved past my lips and for a moment, it stayed there. Another drop of rain began to fall, and another until more and more heavy drops were raining down on us._

_Separating, we looked up. I put my hands over my head and gave a small cry of surprise. The rain suddenly stopped pattering over my head and a shadow was cast over me. I looked up and saw Toshiro, holding his coat out to me. "here, you need it more than I do." he said._

_Taking it gratefully, I slipped it over myself, taking a deep breath of air. The earthy scent of rain mixed with the minty scent of Toshiro's body, sending chills up my spine. I zipped up the jacket and pulled the hood over my head. Toshiro stood up and turned around, bending over slightly. Getting the hint immediately, I jumped onto his back, wrapping my arms around his neck and weaving my legs around his waist. "Where will we go?" I asked. There was a variety of places we could go. My house, Orihime's house, Urahara's, even a small coffee shop nearby, "You'll see." He replied softly, placing his hands underneath my thighs and squeezing tight, his firm grip making me feel safe. Unwrapping my arms from his neck, I held the corners of the hood over my face. I looked down at Toshiro. His white hair was matted down from rain, and his clothing was soaked. "Are you sure you don't want your coat?" I asked, feeling guilty for taking something of such great value for this type of situation. "I'm sure." He replied, increasing his grip on my legs. "Besides, we'll be there soon."_

_Nodding, I rested my head on his smiling contentedly as he carried me on his back to the secret place of his. We walked in the rain for a short period of time until we reached a brick wall on the side of an abandoned building. He set me down and turned to face me. He put his finger over his lips and made a soft whistling noise, motioning for me to keep this place a secret. I nodded. The rain got progressively worse, pounding down on me, making my exposed hands turn red. The jacket I was wearing was sopping, and saying that it was simply wet was an understatement. Toshiro turned a corner and I followed him into a dark, eerily silent ally. The ally made me nervous. A cat jumped from an old box and hit a can of some sort, making me jump and cling to Toshiro. I was sure he was as surprised as I was. He took my hand and led me through the ally until we came to a door with an old light fixture hanging over it. He flipped a switch and the light turned on, flickering at first, and then burning brightly and contrasting against the darkness. He let go of my hand and stuck his hand into the pocket of his jacket that I had on. He probed around until he produced some keys, making me blush a light shade of pink._

"_Is this the place?" I asked him, giving the door a stern up and down look. He nodded and put the keys into the lock. He opened the door and flipped another switch, and a small room burst to life. He walked in and I walked in after him. The room had a delicious smell. Watermelons. As I looked around the small room, I could tell that Toshiro had been here for quite a while. It had everything one needed to live, and two doors leading to different rooms. Toshiro disappeared into the first door to the right and came out with a bundle of clothing. Throwing them at me, I caught them. "Put these on. You left them at my house a couple of weeks ago." I took them with gratitude as he disappeared again into his room. I opened the door to the left and found a bathroom on the other side. I slipped in and peeled off my wet clothes layer by layer. I began to put on my dry clothes when I realized what I was putting on. A skimpy tank top and some thigh length shorts. _

_Ignoring the clothing, I was just happy to be put into something warm. I hung up my wet clothing over the towel rack and took the towel hanging next to them. I opened the bathroom door wringing my hair out with the towel. Toshiro was already sitting on the couch, his hair dripping wet, getting water stains on his clean dry t-shirt. I sat down next to him and began to towel dry his hair. I rubbed this way and that until I could feel the towel becoming limp with water. When I finished, I pulled the towel up over his eyes. He was gazing intently at my face. I stared back into his eyes, reading them. He wanted something badly, it burned in his eyes. But what did he want? He put his hand on my wrist pulling it downwards, taking the towel with it. It slid down his shoulders and landed onto his knee. He took his hand off of my wrist and put it onto my waist. His other hand went behind my ear. He moved his hand down my hip until he hooked his finger around the belt loop on my shorts. He yanked me forwards, crushing his body into mine and wrapping his arm around the small of my back. _

_He kissed me with an eager hunger, but I pulled away from him. "I can't do this, I'm sorry I can't give you what you want." I said before untangling myself from him and tearing up. "It's okay, I understand. I love you, and that's all that matters."_

_I threw my arms around him and put my nose to his ear. "I love you too, and I will forever." he put a hand on my back and replied, "I know." I could feel a smile form on his face. We let go of our embrace and looked at each other for a couple seconds before beginning to laugh. We watched old comedies until three in the morning and ate popcorn until we couldn't eat anymore. The weather outside was dreary and depressing, but the atmosphere in the room was bright and happy, making it better was that I was sharing it with the one I loved, Toshiro Hitsugaya, captain of squad ten, and lover of me, Karin Kurosaki, whose brother would never find out about what happened that night, hopefully…_

I thought about that night day after day, regretting blowing off my one and final chance to finally give him something he wanted instead of vice-versa. He had given so much to me, but I had never given anything to him. I remember what he said before he died, words that will linger on his lips for as long as I live, _you gave me everything I had ever wanted, nothing more, and nothing less. I have given you gifts to show my love to you, but what you gave me was something I can keep forever, taking it with me to my grave. You gave me happiness Karin, for the first time ever, I actually felt happy. My continuous frown never seemed to come back after I had met you. _That was when I realized that I had given something to him that is as priceless as love, but I still felt that I could have given him something else to show my love for him too.

Walking down this empty street, I noticed a cool breeze drifting around me. It reminded me of him, the one I had loved for so long and watched him slip through my fingers just like that. I could never forget him, and everything reminded me of Toshiro. The sunset, ice, dragons, swords, the park, and his little apartment room were just parts of what reminded me of him. I was lonely. I hadn't found anyone like Toshiro to share my life with, and it seemed that he had taken my heart with him when he died. When he told me he loved me, I heard the faintest hint of tears in his voice. He didn't want me to worry about him, he didn't want to tell me he was going to die the very next day until he began to become weak and sickly. I was angry with him, I would have given him what he wanted if I had known. He told me it didn't matter, I told him that everything matters now. His life was on the line, he was going to leave me forever, and I would be alone for the rest of my life.

I walked up the old alley way and came to the door of Toshiro's old home. I took out his keys and flipped the lock. I began to cry upon opening the door. The familiar scent of watermelons was so familiar to me. Everything was how it was the night he died. My clothing was still hanging in his bathroom, popcorn bowls and popcorn still littered the ground and CD's were scattered around the couch. Toshiro's jacket still lay across the couch after he had offered it to me when I returned home. I had left it there after he had fallen asleep. I had written a note in it that said, _you need this more than I do._

I picked up the coat carefully and held it to my nose. I took a deep breath and felt the cool scent of mint linger in my throat. Tears were streaming into the fabric, making my face even wetter. I left with a heavy heart, realizing my mistake on coming here. I closed the door behind me and locked it, and walked the rest of the way home crying silently. I didn't care what by-passers thought of me, I only cared what Toshiro had thought about me. I pulled my scarf even tighter in the cold December atmosphere and hugged my arms to my body. I wished for Toshiro's warm arms to be wrapped around me, to comfort me in this time of need. I wished that I could have saved him, I wished that he would have told me, I wished that he was here with me.

I reached my front door and stepped inside, no bounce in my step. Our house was silent, and had been for the weeks that passed by after Toshiro's death. They all knew what I was going through. Ichigo had lost Rukia, my dad had lost my mom, and Yuzu had long ago died. Our house wasn't the same without any of our loved ones. I wondered if I would be in this mess if Ichigo hadn't become a shinigami. I wondered what it would have been like if I hadn't challenged those middle-school kids the day I met Toshiro. I wondered, and that was all I could do. There was no hope left in my heart anymore, no happiness, nothing really. It was just an empty hole.

I passed the empty kitchen and made my way up the stairs. Depression and hopelessness was beginning to engulf me. I couldn't live like this anymore. I couldn't do it, I was giving up. I opened the door to my room and locked it behind me. Yuzu's bed was still there next to mine, untouched for the few years after her death. Her pictures and posters still lined the walls, and her fish still swam in its bowl. I had been feeding it and taking care of it for the past couple of years because I thought it was the least that I could do to preserve her memories. I sat on my bed and stripped down all of my winter gear and looked through my closet. Since the death of Toshiro and Yuzu, my wardrobe had taken an impossible turn. Everything was dark, most was black, some was red, some was a deep mauve. I hated bright colors because it reminded me of being happy, something that I had long ago dropped. I pulled out a pair of pajamas and realized what they were. It was the same thing that I had worn the night before Toshiro died. Black shorts and a purple tank top. Even though tears still streamed out of my eyes like waterfalls, they began to intensify and my whole entire body began to shake and quiver with sobs.

I pulled on the pajamas and laid out on my bed. I felt lost, hopeless, alone, and most of me was gone and out of it. I couldn't live any longer, and I knew that. I didn't want to do that to what little family I had left, but I didn't feel there was anything left to live for. Our family was cursed in a way, condemned to live a life of sorrow for the rest of our lives. I tried to think about the happy memories I had, but they were blurry and washed out. I could only focus on the sad and lonely memories I had. I turned on my side and sobbed until my lungs burned and my eyes stung. I had made up my mind, I had no reason to live, and I had no reason to stay. It would break my family's heart all over again, but I didn't want them to watch me suffer the way I was now. I sat up and walked out into the hallway. I walked down until I came to the bathroom.

I opened the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of pills. I didn't care what they were, as long as they would end my suffering. I snuck back into my room and hid them in my pillow case for an extra cautious measure. I stumbled down the stairs and into the kitchen, pulling out a bottle of vodka from the cabinet beneath the sink. My dad couldn't hide everything from me. I had watched him drink bottle after bottle of this stuff, and it broke my heart even further to see him so pitiful and helpless. I went back up into my room and pulled the bottle of pills out. I opened the bottle of alcohol and popped the lid to the medicine. I dumped a fair portion into my hand and raised them to my lips. I shoved them in and opened my mouth to put the putrid smelling liquid into it. I poured it in and swallowed as hard as I could. I wanted to say one last goodbye to Ichigo though. I could feel the effects of the concoction almost immediately. My head began to pound and my limbs shook. I walked out of my room, my vision blurring. I wanted to lie down and wait until death to come to me, but I had to say goodbye to Ichigo. I stumbled into his room and saw him sitting on his bed gazing out of the window.

I fell to the ground and tried to speak, but my lips seemed to be glued together. I tried to call out, but my voice didn't come. I wasn't crying, I wasn't happy, I was emotionless. I laid there, thinking about how this would crush the people I loved and knew, but I didn't care. I closed my eyes, and with one last breath, I died. I woke up again to find I was still on the floor. _Why am I still alive?_ I stood up and brushed myself off. I felt perfectly fine. I was still unhappy and depressed, but I didn't feel any pain. I looked up to see Ichigo leaning over someone. He was sobbing, and he was crying out my name. I got closer to get a better image of the person he was leaning over. Had someone else died? I looked at the face of the girl, and found a shocking discovery. The girl was me. I could hear Ichigo screaming and crying my name and saying, _Karin, what have you done? What have you done?_ His face was heartbreaking. I could see the sobs go through his body, one at a time, evenly spaced in time.

"Ichigo, I'm here, I'm here." I said, trying to comfort him. I was confused. Why was I still alive, yet, my body was there lying motionless. As I tried to move, something rattled in my ears. Something metallic. I looked down and noticed a long, golden chain hanging from my chest. I knew immediately what it was. It was a soul chain, and I was still attached to my body. I had seen one before, but they were always silver. Why was mine gold? Something cold whipped around me and a humanly form began to take place in front of me. The strange form began to become clear, and when it was clear enough for me to see, I gave a cry of relief, sadness, joy, and anger. "Toshiro!"

"Karin, why have you done this?" He asked, his face full of betrayal. My heart sank at the question. "Has your family not been through enough?" I shook my head and began to sob. "No Toshiro! You left me, I have no purpose anymore!" I fell to my hands and knees, sobbing pitifully. "Karin, I love you, and I will always watch over you. You have a choice. The soul king has noticed your wishes for suicide, but he does not approve of your means to do so. Your soul chain is gold, right?" I nodded my head. "you can be granted another life if you promise never to attempt this kind of a stunt again." I looked up at him and frowned deeply.

I thought it over. I looked at Ichigo, at my lifeless body, and then back at Toshiro. Ichigo looked so sad, he wasn't crying anymore, he was lying on the ground next to my body, taking in deep breaths and stroking my hair. "I don't want another life. I don't want to live without you because I love you, Toshiro, I love you so much." I studied Ichigo for a bit longer. He was sitting up and crawling over to his desk drawer. From the drawer he pulled something that looked slightly like a pen, and I didn't take a second glance at it. "Karin, look what you're making him do. You really want him to do that to himself? You want him to die like you did? What do you want Karin? Why did you make this choice?" Toshiro raised his voice at me. He never did that to me, and it was beginning to scare me. At another glance, I noticed it wasn't a pen, it was a small dagger. He was pointing it at himself, right in the center of his chest.

"No!" I cried. Toshiro put a hand on my shoulder. "You can stop him if you make the right choice." His voice was calm now. I put my hand around his neck and pulled him down. I crushed our lips together and I put all I had into that one kiss. It was passionate and full of love. I broke away, and with tears in my eyes, I crawled to my body and fused into it. I looked back a Toshiro and muttered "I love you," to him. He muttered "I love you, and I always will." I saw my mom, Yuzu, Toshiro, Rukia, and everyone that I had known gathered around me and Ichigo. "We all love you." They said altogether. They all disappeared as I regained consciousness in my physical body. I opened my eyes and looked up. Ichigo had his chin lifted up. My stomach burned horribly. Before I could stop myself, I sat up and vomited the dangerous contents of my stomach onto the floor. "Don't Ichigo." I said, wiping my mouth. I heard the clatter of metal on wood and I was swept up into eager arms.

"Don't ever do that to me again Karin, you have to promise." He muttered into my hair. I began to sob into Ichigo's shirt. "I promise Ichigo, I promise." I stayed there until the sun began to peak above the clouds. When I woke up, I was laying in Ichigo's bed and he was sleeping on the floor next to the bed. The knife was still on the floor, and it seemed that all that happened last night was a dream, but I didn't care, I was happier than I had been for a long time.

**Thanks for reading guyz! I'd appreciate some reviews! Thank you all for reading! Yeah, I know, happy ending and all for a depressing story. You should have read the last ending I put on this, everyone died… Yeah, I changed it because I'm not that depressing of a person! XD**


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